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by <\/i><\/b>Enid Jackowitz, MA, LMHC<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
1. <\/b>Along with many other feelings you may be experiencing, there is usually<\/p>\n
a huge loss of expectations. Like many parents, you may feel the<\/p>\n
dreams you had for your child will never materialize. That may be<\/p>\n
true, but given time, new ones will take their place. Give yourself permission<\/p>\n
to acknowledge your feelings and to grieve for the loss of<\/p>\n
your expectations.<\/p>\n
2. <\/b>Read a lot. To help you understand the process that many parents go<\/p>\n
through read, The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents<\/p>\n
and Gay Children. If you are having trouble resolving religious issues,<\/p>\n
read Mel White\u2019s book, Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian<\/p>\n
in America, The Good Book, by Peter Gomes, or one of Rev John<\/p>\n
Shelby Spong\u2019s books, especially Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks<\/p>\n
Human Sexuality and Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A<\/p>\n
Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture. To answer questions you<\/p>\n
may have about homosexuality, read Is it a Choice, by Eric Marcus.<\/p>\n
These books will help you understand that:<\/p>\n
Your son or daughter did not choose to be gay.<\/b><\/p>\n
It is not your fault that your child is gay.<\/b><\/p>\n
There\u2019s nothing wrong with your child, but there is something<\/b><\/p>\n
wrong with our homophobic society.<\/b><\/p>\n
3. <\/b>You may be having difficulty accepting your child\u2019s sexual orientation,<\/p>\n
that\u2019s normal, but don\u2019t throw the baby out with the bathwater.<\/p>\n
Remember you are still family and that will never change. Don\u2019t let<\/p>\n
your child\u2019s coming out come between you. Let the love you have for<\/p>\n
him or her be a bridge to a stronger, more loving relationship.<\/p>\n
4. <\/b>If your child wants you to \u201cget over it\u201d and be more accepting, let him<\/p>\n
or her know that the same way it took time for them to become comfortable<\/p>\n
with being gay, now you need time to work through your issues<\/p>\n
as well. This isn\u2019t easy for you. Ask for their patience.<\/p>\n
5. <\/b>There\u2019s a saying that when kids come out of the closet their parents go<\/p>\n
into the closet. If you are stuck in the closet find a support group or<\/p>\n
find a good therapist. Don\u2019t isolate yourself. Go to a PFLAG meeting<\/p>\n
(Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). The parents at<\/p>\n
PFLAG know what you\u2019re going through. They went through it too.<\/p>\n
They will answer many of your questions and concerns in a nonjudgmental<\/p>\n
and confidential atmosphere.<\/p>\n
6. <\/b>Don\u2019t let your child being gay be the unspoken elephant in the room.<\/p>\n
Your child wants you to be part of his or her life. Don\u2019t shut the door<\/p>\n
to real communication. Try listening to your child with the ears of<\/p>\n
your heart, without any preconceived ideas.<\/p>\n
7. <\/b>Once your child comes out to himself or herself, they will have to<\/p>\n
come to grips with how to live an authentic life in our homophobic<\/p>\n
society. This is the time your child really needs your support and your<\/p>\n
love. One abandoned young man once told my husband and me, \u201cHow<\/p>\n
is it that yesterday I was their golden boy, but when my parents found<\/p>\n
out I was gay, they threw me out of the house.\u201d<\/p>\n
8. <\/i>Parents go through a coming out process too. Be patient with yourself.<\/p>\n
This isn\u2019t an easy journey. Be open to learning. The world we live in<\/p>\n
is a homophobic one, because of that your understanding of homosexuality<\/p>\n
may be tinged with half-truths and misconceptions. Keep an<\/p>\n
open mind and an empty cup.<\/p>\n
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by Enid Jackowitz, MA, LMHC 1. Along with many other feelings you may be experiencing, there is usually a huge loss of expectations. Like many parents, you may feel the dreams you had for your child will never materialize.…<\/p>\n